overwhelmind

One of my favorite feelings is sharing with strangers. Such as electrical plugs. Smiles. Glances. Whatever. I seriously love the random moments exchanged so altruistically.

Maybe that’s why city-living is so challenging for me. Everyone looks down at the ground when they walk, defiant and proving nothing. Glances are made in secret. Check: who is the more attractive? Who is the dangerous? And could they be in one person, combined?

I don’t know if it’s the increase in caffeine or what, but my heart has been leaping in my throat for the last week. It’s a dull ache, then a sudden grab. Is it excitement or fear? Security in knowledge or sheer excitement from the lack of understanding? So many uncomfortable questions, and I am not sure what to make of it. And that, my friend, is quite the quiet understatement.

At any rate, I pray you are safe, wherever you are, and that God is protecting you from all the dangers that are shadowed from your vision.

I’m sorry I haven’t written lately, but life has taken a few interesting turns.

I am sitting in a Starbucks. SD. And I am coming to the disturbing realization that I miss this city. I miss the slow posture of the sea. I miss the intimate waves passed from car to car- and from person to person. I miss the common understanding. I miss sitting with you on the beach, smelling the salt. I miss the layers of shine on my mouth (to keep my smile from chapping joyfully every time I see you). I even miss the ability to predict the traffic. I miss knowing the newness, and I miss acknowledging the familiar.

This was my home for so many years, and I packed it all up on a whim and a hunch, and my heart is fairly suffering for it.

Not that I haven’t gained “valuable experience” from leaving. It’s just that my heart hurts to think that I’m missing it all. Up until this point, all I knew and had invested in life was located here, in this place of sheer beauty. Paradise, did I really take you for granted?

Sometimes, I know. But I’d like to say that I did it pretty well, all things considered. For all I knew, all I had was you, there, in that moment.

The water smells just like it tastes, and it feels twice as good. My skin is still reeling from the sensation. I’ve gone too far and I can’t go back, and there’s nothing left but forever.

I can hear the light spreading through your veins when you look at me. It’s not hard. The sparkles fall in like acid rain. What happens when fireworks explode? It’s the same feeling; I want to catch the ash in my mouth and taste the regret of what once shone. Pull the plug; I’m not going to lie to make you feel like the man you should already know.

I like the way this shirt outlines what I’m becoming and who I’ve become. I like the way these pants show you my shape- you can recognize if you look uncarefully.

My mom and I have the same knees, but I have my father’s ears. Don’t you know.

The black breeze comes in to chill my bones again. This music is too inspiring, and I miss the pond. You played me a song by stealing my name, and the guitar caressed my skin too gently for defiance.

Defiance. De-fiancé, except without the ‘.
De as in: deconstruct, defiance, and definition.
Fiancé as in: who you could have been, and who you will be without me.

The quintessential first date. That line captured my attention like a moth to the scorching bulb.

Timeless. Classic. Memorable. Typical. Usual. Common. Quintessential. It all means the same thing, you know. But not.

Anyway, it hurt what you said. About me being transparent.

Back to the sea.

I was four. Every time water touched my skin I’d transform into a mermaid. My feet’d turn into a webbed fin, and I was a fish out of water. I’m still her. That girl who looked through the microscope to examine her own cheek cells.

I’ll lock these secrets in the closet. I promise. So close your eyes and look this way.
—————————————————————————————–
I can’t stop thinking about you, and
it’s making my heart jump. I want to be
on the mountain side, looking up at the
overly big sky- with you by my side.

I can’t begin to count the ways I like you.

If you were any less amazing, would I
Fall into your mouth so carelessly?
Not even a closed-mouthed kiss; I couldn’t even
Hold back from that- just
Opened up and took it in.

You tasted like security in unknowing.

“Do you like me?”
-you asked under the crescent moon.

Something in those honest eyes sees right through me.
—————————————————————————————–
Translucence.
I am a sliver of what I could be;
Of what I truly am.
Don’t breathe too fast:
You’re taking in too much oxygen
And I don’t know what on earth you are thinking.
I don’t know what on earth you’re thinking.
Waning and waxing.
A flower opens up to me,
Smiles with the same awe.

I wed the sky.

We hold hands and float in this moment.
You are the reverie:
You are exactly this.

The wood splits with a lack of zeal.
Yielding to you was never an issue.
Trust me.

I feel another body within me,
Curled up like a secret or promise:
A somebody, and without it, I am
A nobody.

I am two bodies combined.
I am twelve times zero.
I am you and I, and I am unhealthily whole.

Without and without you.
—————————————————————————————-
revolving
you are
so mute
could you
be a little more quiet cause
it’s a little too loud here
and
i just can’t
rotate
cause i’m
not that flexible
but i feel like
a million dollars when
the leaves fall red
hot and unbothered
you’re just
too close
and i feel like we’re
turning on the light
and i miss you already
—————————————————————————————–
I want to scoop up the stars and eat them
Like ice cream in a cone
I bet they taste like butterscotch
And I bet you won’t remember anyhow

But I left a trail of flowers
Hanging above your head
Traced your skin with a smile
No holding back now
—————————————————————————————–
I’ll catch your vase and
Waste your time
I’ll eat the flowers
And make you shine
I’ll carve the glass
And play your game
I’ll kiss the boys
And forget your name
And I don’t feel no shame
Everything’s different and
I’m not the same
I’m not the same
I’m not the same

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